If you’ve not read my previous post on this topic I suggest starting there! In that post I explain exactly why I decided to say yes to opportunities for a week, and also what my aims were. With the week now over here’s my recap of everything I did:
Follow The Faun
After turning down multiple invitations to Vault Festival performances and parties I finally caved and decided to show up there. What better way to start off this experiment than by catching up on missed opportunities! Follow The Faun is a psycho-spiritual (and sexual) immersive performance in which you follow the faun through an hour long intensive arobics rave. Yes, it’s as weird as it sounds…and bloody brilliant!
I dragged my boyfriend along with me to this as I was too nervous to go alone. Walking into a room of about 10 mostly middle aged people didn’t fill me with confidence. But as the session went on and I got into the performance I loved it. Fisting the air, riding unicorns around the room, and hailing the sun were all highlights of the session. The room was absolutely boiling with no ventilation! By the end of the hour I was drenched with sweat and wanting to befriend everyone in the session.
Unfortunately I didn’t make friends with the lovely (and handsome) people I met, but the experience was amazing nonetheless! After following The Faun we wandered over to Southbank, crossed the river and hung out around Trafalgar Square before calling it a night and heading home. I’d call day one a thorough success.
Now I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I spent most of the day filled to the brim with anxiety about the event. But pushing myself out of my comfort zone to do something rather spectacular was more than worth the anxiety (and money) spent on it!
On Sunday my boyfriend suggested we go out for a meal the following night. Most nights we have home cooked food for dinner so saying yes to mixing it up a bit was pretty easy! Monday rolled around and the place we intended to visit was full, so we had to go elsewhere. We walked into what can only be described as the most depressing pub I’ve ever seen. It was one large room with paint peeling of the walls, sticky carpet throughout, and only about 2 people in the whole venue.
However as we were both starving we decided to eat there. After 45 minutes of waiting for my food, a screaming cast of football lads, and sitting next to a tv that the staff kept turning up- I left. That was first time I’ve ever walked out pre-meal and the first time I’ve walked out on a meal with my boyfriend (he waned to stay and wait for his food).
So Monday wasn’t a great day. I went home absolutely starving and in a much worse mood than I’d started the evening with!
Crashing and Burning
Tuesday was pretty uneventful but involved organising attending a quiz-night with some acquaintances, and also planning to go clubbing with them.
By the time Wednesday came around and I was…exhausted. The type of exhausted where I slept in an extra 5 hours and was still tired. I felt totally burnt out and I hadn’t even done much socialising yet. At this point I realised the issue was that I was forcing myself to socialise in ways I didn’t want to. I really enjoy spontaneous events and meeting new people, but my plans for the week weren’t that. It reached 6pm and the prospect of forcing my self to travel 45 minutes to a quiz-night with acquaintances sounded…awful. So I didn’t go, and yes I did feel a bit shitty about that. This is when I realised that saying yes is great…but not if it’s followed by a last-minute no.
Okay, so I decided to change my attitude. Only saying yes to the company of people who match my energy. The energy of other people highly affects me, and from now on I’ll be more considerate of that when choosing who to have in my circle. Wednesday ended with my acceptance that it probably wouldn’t all be action-packed week, and that’s fine!
Even More Burn Out
Thursday came around and I was feeling even worse. Still completely burnt out, but I also felt creatively blocked. Luckily I figured out that this was due to my sacral chakra being blocked, but it took me a while to sort out. I spent Thursday and Friday reevaluating my creative and work-life choices, as well as focusing on feeling more positive. It’s not always easy to have a positive outlook, especially with mental health issues, but I made it through it.
After some yoga, sound-bathing, bubble baths, facemasks, and a lot of podcasts I managed to finally ground myself again! Unfortunately the time spent grounding myself meant that not much saying-yes happened.
On Friday I came to the realisation that perhaps I’d set myself up to a task I just really didn’t want to do. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone and taking part in new exciting and enriching activities is great! But that’s very different than throwing my life and energy out of whack because I didn’t want to go clubbing or to a quiz night with people who’s energy I really don’t vibe with.
This week has been a massive learning curve for me! Not only for how to overcome anxiety to do super weird and woowoo stuff, but also learning of when it’s okay to say no. I’m not the sort of person who can be just be on and energetic all the time. Taking time for self care and recuperation means that I can focus on my creative and work process, in addition to going out and enriching my soul.
Would I do it again?
Absolutely not, but I say that with a smile. Would I however do a week of saying yes to wellness opportunities. I’ve learnt not to push myself into situations with bad energy, or self-destructive people. But I’ve learnt that psycho-sexual Pagan raves with queer fauns are 100% for me! That’s not something I would have ever imagined saying or taking part in 8 days ago.
Hopefully my life will be filled with more spiritual enlightenment, and less regret-filled hangovers from now on.