One of my biggest difficulties is that I’m always chasing ideals. Whether that’s with lifestyle aspirations, where I want to live, or the relationships I’m in. I’m always chasing something. But what I’ve started to realise is just how awful that can make me feel.
When the things you’re aiming for in life are simply for face value, or because you’re envious of other people then that’s a problem. At times when my identity is kind of loose I often look to others for ‘inspiration’. What typically ends up happening is that I feel like shit because my life isn’t the same as other people’s. Most of the time I don’t even want the ideals I’m chasing, but think that they’re the right thing to do.
Before you can even think about stopping you need to be able to recognise what you’re doing first! It’s taken me a while to get to a point where I can automatically tell if I’m chasing an ideal. I’d often spend weeks or even months chasing after something, then once I’d achieved it (or gotten closer) I’d suddenly realise how hollow I’d feel. Now whenever I start focusing on something new I make sure to fully think it out, taking the time to consider if it’s really what I want. That might sound glaringly obvious, but I think it’s quite easy for us to rush into things without even considering if we want them.
Start to Stop
Once you’re able to recognise when you chase ideals you can start distancing yourself. Whenever you catch yourself going after something you don’t want, or comparing yourself to others, just slow down for a second. Take a while to pause and consider what you actually want and how you can get it. Let go of your built up expectations and comparisons, and focus on your personal wants and needs instead. If you don’t know what that is then that’s okay too, just don’t force yourself into anything!